Welcome to my turf

It’s been a while

Posted on: August 29, 2010

A lot of things happened since my last blog post (obviously, because almost three months have passed!). Although I’m not very eager to recount them in detail, I’d like to do a bit of a summary–since we have no classes tomorrow and I’ve found that this weekend has rather been relaxing.

Two weeks ago I was hospitalized. It was my first time to be confined, and I don’t want to be in that sad place again. According to the chaplain and the maintenance staff who came into my room, I’m probably the youngest patient they have in the unit–which made me extra sad because when you’re at the prime of your youth, you shouldn’t be in that place. I was in denial for about a week after I was discharged, and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn’t believe that I’m sick and it would take at least 6 months to get me back to my original state.

The doctor said I had Crohn’s Disease. He described this as one of the many diseases of the civilization. It wasn’t exactly the best description to be blurted out when you’re in the hospital. (What the heck–I’m a clean individual–I don’t want to be part of the statistics) But it had to be said–at least it wasn’t chronic or life-threatening. Nonetheless, precautions have to be made because according to my doctor, the most severe effect of having this disease is cancer. But that’s farfetched and I’m determined to become healthy again. (post script–but the biopsy indicated I was positive for ulcerative colitis and not Crohn’s)

So I’m pretty vulnerable now–physically and emotionally. I keep on comparing myself with other people. “They like eating at McDonald’s too…what’s wrong with me?” Hopefully I get to overcome these questions and think that everything has a purpose.

Many things are put on hold–I find myself easily tired. I can’t engage in rigorous physical activities…I think even walking up and down the stairs is becoming a burden. I can’t dance, I can’t laugh too much, I can’t eat out…Many sacrifices have to be made. Maybe I’m just being too emotional or overreacting–but I think when you get so used to a “carefree” life, when you can do anything you like, putting them on hold makes the physical pain, well, more painful mentally.

But I expect to understand these things sooner. I don’t want to be consumed by sad thoughts.

AJA.

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