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Second semester

Posted on: November 8, 2010

It seems like I’ve been posting right before the school starts. I actually forget that I have a blog that needs to be updated every so often. But who cares? Nobody reads it anyway. Except for a very few readers (meaning one or two). But anyway, first things first.

First sem was awful. It was really a test of physical, mental and psychological stamina. I’d have three grueling subjects on tuesdays and thursdays and have the full week (monday to saturday) studying. I was just sooooo glad it was over. And imagine, during those times, I was hospitalized for almost a week because of my peculiar condition (apparently, Crohn’s disease is really really rare among Asians) and had to be scoped once during the same week. And I actually fasted 2 straight days, unable to eat correctly because it was shocking to my body to eat then to excrete all of them in one sitting (well technically, throughout the day, but i was confined in the hospital room). There was some sort of mass discovered, which unfortunately is still here, that makes my life more complicated and painful. But the mental mantra for the entire sem was that “I CAN DO THIS”.

Of course, I’m no superhuman and I still succumb to bouts of sadness and depression (not clinically), especially when the pain was so overwhelming that it is no longer bearable. I go to my bed and curl up in a fetus like position and hope that the grumbling and intestine-twisting will go away. On some days, it worked; but on others, I was not just very lucky.

Just recently, I went to a surgeon because of the mass that won’t go away, and he told me that Crohn’s is like my husband now. (Wow thank you so much). I figured, I’ve got too many fictitious relationships–one with Crohn’s (which my mother fondly calls Croni) and the other with my law degree, which they say is like a jealous mistress (in my case, my kabit). But these are just the lighter side of things; things that I think of when I get really down and sad and teary eyed. I guess I just have to suck it all up. We gotta do what we gotta do!

And this recent phase of abominable stomach pain caused me to cancel my first ever out of the country trip to SG. My clothes never even made it to the maleta but they were already ready to be packed. Prior to the packing, Croni was unstoppable and I couldn’t bear it at all. My mom said we won’t go and imagine how my heart broke. I was very sad. Not only because we’ve already spent quite a lot in booking the hotel and paying for the airfare, but also because I’ve realized how heavy the impact of the disease in my life. Preparations no longer matter because I wouldn’t know when this thing will hurt. Plans, futures, goals… seem harder to achieve. But if there’s anything I learned recently, it’s that we gotta live life one day at a time and make sure that we’re enjoying it.

Well that’s it for now.

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